So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
