i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
