if i can run in heels then i can drive
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
