mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
