You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
