I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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