I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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