woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
