drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
