Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
