Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
