When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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