he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
