therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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