he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
