he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
