If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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