I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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