idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
