I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
