Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
