drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
