i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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