I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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