she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
