My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
this hospital has no fireball
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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