I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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