why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
