What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
