I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
