I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
