two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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