You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
