We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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