Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
