why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
