U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
