Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Randomize
