My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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