Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
