Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
