Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
