I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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