That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
