Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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