as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
