let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
