We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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