I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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