I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
