I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
